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Credit Card Humor
If this doesn't implant a giant question mark in your head about people and "customer service", I'm not
sure what will. A lady died last January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their anuual service charges
than added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member:
"I am calling to tell you she died in January"
Citibank:
"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply"
Family:
"Maybe you should turn it over to collections"
Citibank:
"Since it is two months past due, it already has been"
Family:
"So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank:
(sounding slightly angry and frustrated)"Either report her account to the fraud division, or the credit
bureau, maybe both!"
Family:
"Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank:
"Excuse me?"
Family:
"Did you just get what I have told you...the part about her being dead?"
Citibank:
"Sir, you will have to speak to my supervisor" (super gets on the phone)
Family:
"I am calling to tell you that she died in January"
Citibank:
"The account was never closed, and the late fees and charges still apply"
Family:
"You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank:
(stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family:
"No, I'm her great nephew" (then lawyer info was given)
Citibank:
"Could you fax us her death certificate?"
Family:
"Sure" (fax info is given)
After Citibank gets the fax:
Citibank:
"Our system is not set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help"
Family:
"Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, I guess you could just keep billing her. I
don't think she will care."
Citibank:
"Well, the late fees and charges still apply"
Family:
"Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank:
(enthusiastic tone) "Yes- that may help!"
Family:
"Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69"
Citibank:
"Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family:
"What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want
to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like
money to us. Get
over it.. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west,
I-65 and I-75 go north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
cotton strippers that are
driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available
at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women,
regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak.
Or you can order the Chef's Salad
and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dis hes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use
three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice. You bring "Mary
Jane" into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football are as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site
more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Universities, and Vo-techs.
They come outta there with an education plus
a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come
home for the holidays.
17. We have the most folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines.
So don't mess with us. If
you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are
part of the best people in the
USA!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV
remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most
evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour
it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace
listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and
whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to
an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's
15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said,
"You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You
are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......
... "HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other
the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to
discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these
kinds of contests.
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